Self Sabotage

I am struck by the number of people whose inner talk is one of negativity and sabotage for efforts at weight control.
This week, one woman (who has done a magnificent job at losing weight) is into a new and ‘happy' relationship. However, as the relationship flourishes she finds herself eating more and more. She finds herself out of control with her eating. Is this behavior one of happiness? No. She has had an unsuccessful marriage in the past and some previous partners that did not work out, and now finds she sabotages this good relationship because she feels unworthy. So, in her mind, gaining weight and having her partner ‘leave' her will ‘prove' her unworthiness.
Another patient has been on many diets in the past. Every time she gets close to the 200 pound mark she invariably starts being careless with her portions and starts to get back into night snacking. She never before has broken the 200 pound ‘barrier' and her belief system is such that she never feels she can do it, and even if she can, she "will regain the weight anyway.”
Two women I've met with are facilitators; in their jobs, they help groups of people (mainly men) to better organize/improve their government or private company departments. When each of these facilitators in turn lost some weight, they became intimidated by their ‘sexy' appearance in front of the men they had to deal with on a day to day basis; they felt vulnerable. They felt that people were paying attention to them less for their competence and more for their looks. In fact, they both said to me that their bulk had previously given them a feeling of protection. Previously, they had felt the men looked at them in a neutral fashion. After losing weight, they did not know how to cope with both being mentally competent and at the same time looking great. So, they sabotaged all their weight loss efforts and regained their weight.
Is there a common theme in these few examples? It comes down to self-worth. Most of us have not learned how to accept ourselves at a new and lower weight. We don't feel worthy of looks or positive comments received by others.
When you start on your weight loss and fitness journey, you must learn to visualize yourself at a lower weight well before you get there. Become comfortable with the look and feel of that ‘new' person. Evaluate your self-talk. You must learn the ability to use positive self-talk to manage individual situations and learn to boost your ability to stay on track and break through barriers. Don't talk negatively because this will lead to negative eating. Don't use punishing self-statements (i.e. don't chastise yourself for lapses). Accept your big successes, accept the small ones, and always "know” you will succeed.
This is your journey for a new body: a healthy and fit one. It's a deserving goal. You must learn that you deserve to achieve it. Don't set up mental walls of "it can't be done.” Don't listen to past failures. Learn to accept the fact that you are worth it. It takes time and mental practice to have a proper mind set for long term success.
Start now, and don't let go of your goal; it's yours and yours alone. Whenever you have negative self-talk, think to yourself, "stop.” Immediately delete the negative thought and focus on a counterargument or positive thought.
You can do it. Keep trying and don't ever give up.
Dr. Doug