Stages of Grief during the Weight Loss Process
Stages of Grief during the Weight Loss Process
Adapted from: "Look Up For Health – The Physician's Weight Management Program” 1997 – By: D. Frank Johnson, MD & Jeanne K. Johnson, MN
The journey towards a healthy lifestyle is never an easy one. We encounter many obstacles that can challenge our motivation to continue the process. Sometimes, looking at this process from a different perspective can elicit thoughts & ideas we may not have considered before. Most of us might not consider "grief” as an emotion that goes along with the weight loss process; we tend to associate "grief” with the death or loss of a loved one. However, understanding the process of grief can be helpful in dealing with the changes in lifestyle that are needed to permanently maintain weight loss…you have to give up one lifestyle and adopt another. This change often involves the process of loss & grief, even if we aren't aware of it. We may not go through each stage in order; usually the stages overlap.
Some psychotherapists believe that real change and growth cannot take place until the old person or aspect of ourselves "passes” and the new person/aspect is then "born…”
Grief Stages Associated With Weight Loss:
Stage 1: Denial
For those who have started a weight loss program, most knew they needed or wanted to lose weight. However, a person may start to deny the need for help, at which point they say: "I can do it myself.” By rejecting the need for help, we slip back into grief and denial of the fact that changes need to occur in order to see progress.
Stage 2: Anger
Sometimes, because of our inner and outer anger, we relapse during weight loss because we have difficulty allowing such strong feelings to surface. Comments like: "Why me, why do I have to be on this food plan?” or, "Why did God make me overweight?” or, "No one understands what it's like to be my size!” or, "How could I let myself get this way?” are manifestations of frustration/anger/disappointment. We must allow these emotions to be expressed if we are going to fully recover and reach our ideal weight.
Stage 3: Bargaining
This stage involves an individual's struggle with total commitment to changing their lifestyle. We sometimes negotiate or bargain between our old eating habits and what we perceive as "enjoyable” or "easy,” and our new lifestyle changes that seem "hard.” Bargaining means weighing options back and forth: looking at the pros and cons of who we were before, and who we are becoming.
Stage 4: Depression
"I don't want to be overweight, but I don't want to let go of the foods I love. My food has been my lover, comforter & friend, and I don't want to let go. Besides, my friends and family are giving me a really hard time because I want to change. This makes me really sad.” This stage may come and go at various times during weight loss & maintenance. These feelings can be very strong and need to be confronted and worked through. The pressure to live a new lifestyle with all the energy it takes from so many changes can cause a sense of depression and it's important to be aware of it.
Stage 5: Acceptance
- "I accept the fact that my eating habits must and will change in order to maintain a weight loss”
- "I accept my new ‘thinner' self.”
- "I accept saying goodbye to my former overweight self & friend.”
There are things you can and cannot change. If you become aware of these things, it is often easier to accept the future. You cannot change your height, bone structure, genetic makeup, or body proportion. You CAN change your food choices, recipes, holidays, exercise level, activities, hobbies, stress level, family habits and attitudes.
We know the stages of grief continue to come at each new level of understanding – just as one never really "gets over” the loss of a loved one. So, you may never "get over” the feelings of being "uncomfortable” with your new lifestyle. Of course, you will find times of anger, frustration, denial and depression, but YOU CAN "accept” these emotions and get on with life!
Making the decision to improve your health is difficult – but it's important to know that this decision takes incredible strength and courage. Feel empowered by the fact that you're on this journey and constantly working towards a healthier you. No matter what happens and what stresses occur that seem to make the road ahead impossible, realize that it IS possible to achieve your goals! Take baby steps – make small goals – take each snack, meal and day as it comes. You can do this – BELIEVE it!
Dr. Doug