Don’t Sell Yourself Short

A lot of times I will have to catch myself using words such as "I'll try” or "I think.” They tend to put off making a decision. Words such as: "I'll try to go for a run tonight,” simply give me an excuse not to. Am I going to run or not? To ‘try' is simply a hedge word, a convenient way to sit on the fence. I am more likely to get out for my run if I simply say, "I am going to run” tonight.

We tend to minimize ourselves in our own self talk. "I'm overwhelmed;” "I always procrastinate;” and, "diets never work for me.” Our inner critic determines the outcome before we even make an attempt at completion of a task.

A good way to stop this inner critic, and have a better look at yourself, is to do a mind check. Ask yourself: "does this way of talking serve me any benefit?” It certainly does not. Everyone I see has immense potential. Each and every person is capable of achieving any goal. There is nothing standing in their way except themselves.

Most of us start beating ourselves up mentally early in life. If we were directed, corrected, and criticized by our parents, teachers, schoolmates, friends, etc., we experience shame. If we internalize these critical messages we then start monitoring our thoughts and behaviours with a critical eye. (To this day, I will never forget a gym teacher in grade 6: when I told him I wanted to try out to do the high jump, he simply turned to me in front of the class and said "YOU???”- I always felt like the runt of the class, and this just convinced me it was so.)

These early experiences are influential in shaping our ability to express ourselves fully. Past events that made us feel humiliated or shamed rise up to interfere with our adult lives and our ability to use our talents and gifts confidently.

Remember that the ‘critical' you, is simply memories you have created from the past yet continue to reinforce now and into the future. So, examine how you talk to yourself. Don't accept those words! They simply are not who you really are. Focus on what you have accomplished (in spite of that inner critic). Focus on what you want to accomplish. Talk to yourself as if you WILL do it, no matter what.

Know who you are. Build such a strong relationship with yourself that you'll stop taking things personally and start making choices based on what you want instead of what others want for you. Identify your values; then identify the ways you need to change in order to center your life around those values. Eliminate self-defeating behaviours that chip away at your self esteem (procrastinating is an example; leaving things undone simply reinforces a sense of inability to achieve.)

Creating a healthy lifestyle is about creating a positive emotional state. Don't give up on yourself. You can do it. Never stop trying!

Dr. Doug