Goals that Help, Goals that Hurt

Remember to Think Positively

This is a very difficult time of year for everyone. With the dark long evenings from now until January there is a great tendency to nibble and be inactive. For this reason I felt it important to re-visit our personal goals. Don't wait for the New Year; now is the time to reassess who you want to become, and why you want to become healthier. You can do this with self talk. You need to look at your goals, but it must be done in a way that is helpful, not hurtful. This article by Dean Anderson helps us sort through the things we must think about, and the words we must use to help us stay focused on eating and exercise goals.

But how do you know if the goals you chose are wise? That is, the right goals for you? Setting goals that don't suit you can be the root of much avoidable suffering. You can determine whether your goals are helping you or hurting you in a few simple steps.

Step 1: Take a close look at the words that express your goals.
Take a moment to read over your goals. Whether you keep these in your head or you have written them down, look through your goals for any of the following words: MIGHT, NO, NOT, NEVER, STOP, WISH, TRY, HOPE, or QUIT. If these negative words (or similar ones) play an important role in the way you have stated your goals, you may be setting yourself up for problems. The reason is, that words are very powerful! They focus your attention in one area while other possibilities fade away. When words are negative (like those above), their results are negative. When you say, for example, that you will "Stop eating chocolate," what are you really doing? You are focusing your attention on the very thing you want to avoid-chocolate. IF going without something you want when it is always on your mind were easy, this might work. But, we all know that "out of sight, out of mind, out of reach" works a lot better. You might be able to limit your chocolate intake, but it's unlikely you can "stop" it forever. So, make your goals with particular ‘food triggers' realistic. Make sure they are possible in the reality of your life.

Step 2: Do your goals deprive you of something you want (or think you want)?
If so, you're just setting yourself up for feelings of deprivation, resentment, and rebelliousness. How many times have you gone a day, a week, or even longer without caving in to a food on your forbidden list, only to find yourself binging on it later, as if out of sheer spite? Contrary to belief, making something off-limits isn't the best way to maintain control. It'll get that 2-year-old inside us really geared up to do battle.

Step 3: Do your goals set you up for failure?
Framing your goals in negative terms creates an all-or-nothing situation, where even one small slip means failure. And we all know where this leads-"Well, I've already blown it, I might as well enjoy it and start over tomorrow," which turns into next week, next month, or next year. Soon you feel like you can't control your own behavior, but aren't sure what to do about it.

The great thing about having the capacity for language is that we can use words to help ourselves want what it is best for us to have.

Framing your goals in positive terms makes reaching them that much easier. Positive words allow you to:

Focus on what you really want, and on what is helpful and achievable. This creates positive energy and momentum instead of feelings of deprivation and resentment.
Adjust your plans when you have the inevitable slip-up or bad day. Instead of giving up when you mess up, you can make small changes to balance things out.
Check in with yourself before you act. Ask yourself if what you are about to eat will help you reach your goals.
Have true freedom of choice, rather than forcing yourself to rely on will power alone. We just aren't designed to white-knuckle our way through life, always resisting what we think we really want.
So, go through your goals with a fine-toothed comb, and make sure they are positive. Focus on what you DO want to eat and what you WILL accomplish-not just on how many pounds you want to lose. Keep track of your calories as a necessary tactical measure, but don't confuse going over on any given day with "failure." There's more going on than what happens on any single day, and well-framed goals can help you keep that in view.

Make sure you realize that it is not a battle between you and food. It is all about a positive internal dialogue about how you ultimately want to eat, how you want to feel about yourself and what it will take to get you there. It is a rocky road, and you will stumble and fall at times, but you will find that you will gain control over your eating if you keep sight of what you want to become, and never let go of that vision.

You can do it. Don't ever give up.